it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
