Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
