definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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