Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
