More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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