sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
