New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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