I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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