Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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