Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
