so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
