I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
