That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How naked do you want me to be?
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