you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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