Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
