Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize