Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
