How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
