and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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