I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
