Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
