he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
