if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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