I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have tasted many bathrooms
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
