Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's like iHOP with fire
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
