you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
