I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
