i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
