don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
