she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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