i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
