Porn is love you can see.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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