Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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