i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
