my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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