John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
