I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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