I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
