Plan B is the new Plan A
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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