he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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