you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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