I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
