The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
