Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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