Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
