I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
