If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
