I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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