To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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