chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
