I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
