Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
