My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
