I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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