watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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