3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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