They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
