I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
