dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
