we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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