About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
