Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
