She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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