how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
