didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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