I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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