I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
