So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
