looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
