i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
