Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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