my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
