Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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