i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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